Queerly beloved

A friend of mine is getting married and yesterday at a nice chillout place where we all like to hang out was the impromptu wedding planning. When you have a table full of straight girls with token queers and straight boys, expect to have loud squealing while the tokens' bemused faces look around the not-so-chill-after-all-place apologetically.

First there was the shopping list, then there was the invitation list which led to the job/duties list. It tickles me that I'm in charge of the bachelor party while my gay guy friend (let's call him HBC) is in charge of the bachelorette's. The conversation then took a turn to who is going to walk my friend down the aisle as this would be a small friends-only ceremony as her family is in Hawaii and her BF's family is in Japan.

HBC and I looked at each other. And we realized, what about US? The gay ones, the ones that deify wedding conventions? Who's going to be the one getting walked down the aisle? We already would have to bear with the constant jokes of who's the MAN or WOMAN in the relationship when it's done with. So how do we decide? Do we flip a coin? While HBC and I are hypothetically speaking, I wondered out loud if it would even happen at all - should my Dad survive his disappointment-triggered-heart-attack. For a moment we were silent because HBC echoed my sentiments regarding his family.

We don't know how it works for us, the queer ones. I never thought I'll even get married, ever, because it just wasn't in the cards for me, socially. I'll probably never get to introduce THE GIRL to my grandmother and watch her smile with pride like how she did when my younger sister brought her BF to Sunday brunch. I'll probably never be able to have my parents recognize/acknowledge their GRANDCHILD because I don't think I'll be a birth mother. I'll probably never have my dad 'give me away' even if I win the hypothetical coin flip. So I probably shouldn't try getting married which meant I should never let myself fall in love because it just wasn't in the cards and it hurts too much to not be able to REALLY marry someone you love.

But it took the impending straight wedding of one of my closest friends for us, me at least, to figure some of it out. It wasn't in the cards, however, there's also no fate but what we make for ourselves. (Yes, he's now the Governor of my current home, California. PS: If you are not a fan of TERMINATOR, ignore everything in these parentheses.) For that moment we were silent because HBC echoed my sentiments regarding his family but then he smiled and said " It's ok, I'll walk YOU down the aisle." And suddenly my heart swelled and everything felt right as I replied "And I'll walk YOU down your aisle." We high fived. It's the queer version of handshaking a sealed deal, fyi.

I don't know how it works but I'll figure it out as I go. The one advantage? I get to do things my way.